He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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