Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
