you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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