We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
