I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
