remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
