you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
