I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
