I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
