i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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