At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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