this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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