what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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