is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Still dying that you shit outside
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
