Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
