I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
