on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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