I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
