wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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