apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
