I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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