so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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