People in love make me want to vomit
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
