My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Pooping to opera.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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