I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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