I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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