I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Someone signed my nipple.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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