i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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