You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
