idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
