This dress was meant to end up on your floor
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
