I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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