okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
