We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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