I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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