You're my little dorito
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
