that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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