my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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