chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
