You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
