I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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