my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
whose ass print is on the piano?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
