So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
