Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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