Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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