I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
