I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
