Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
