So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
