Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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