I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
