as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just want nice things and good sex
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
