What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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